The Fear.

Claustrophobic, Suffocating. Locked – Tightly.

Cannot gasp, my short breaths get leaked from the hollow in my chest and can’t reach the lungs. I try to breath deep and long to survive. Long breathing keeps me from speaking.

Mouth dries and the feet vibrate. My fingers coil into fist sweatily. My shoulders shrink and toes curls. Thoughts stops running and there is dark empty heaviness in the head.
That’s how ‘THE FEAR’ feels. Confining. Foreboding. Sinking. Vacuuming.

It gets scary sometimes…This life I mean.

We fear the darkness and the stillness arises from what is within us already.

If I let go of the memories, experiences, opinions and reasons I am free from the past.

If let go of dreams, desires, aspirations and longings, I am free from the future.

If I let go of myself, I can free myself from the present.

And all the fears....

Close up :

"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives."
~ Abba Eban

Crazy ?

If there are two people; one is schizophrenic who believes in nonexistent, is hallucinated is given anti-psychotics, because that person believes in something, which is baseless, and humbug.  That is called insanity.

Another person who believes in God is considered divine and revered. This person is worshiped. He/She has followers and devotees. This is also just an unproven belief as the former.

I have made up my own arguments to prove god’s existence as per my convenience but there are times when I doubt my sanity for my beliefs.

You are the space between my breaths,

You are the sight of my eyes,

You are the realization in my confusion,

You are the song in my sound,

You are the knowledge in my imagination,

You are the peace in my chaos,

You are the message in my conversation,

You are the confirmation in my delusions,

You are the freedom in my captivations.

Why one belief is acceptable and another is not?


Close up:
"I just couldn't shake this awareness of my mortality. Everything seemed meaningless."
~The art of getting by.

About London.

"I think we want London to be to be something, anything, what we aren't.

So we look for it in its architecture, the traditions, the nightlife, and the history…the moments that separate London from everything else.

Except we find the same strange echoes that drew us here in the first place, unresolved & a little more battered. London is what happens when you try & dissolve the person you are with the place you want to be."

- Somebody on the internet forum.

Close up :

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” ~ERNEST HEMINGWAY

Unclean mass of randomness: I and you.

There are times when we think we knew…or we don’t. Logic and faith both fails at the same time. Ego and wisdom confuse me together. How to learn to separate them?

The issue I am struggling with is - Is it possible to remove the difference between I and you? This is one of the time where I am thrown into situation which created this stir…so, I should be there where I don’t have this bustle.

Its me. All me.

I told some where ‘to understand and to resolve’ but its not easy…Where do we start from inside or outside? I am my own ally and my own enemy. I run away from myself and come to me again.

Do we all go through this struggle, A drive to reach some place where there is no fuss with self and others. A state of final settlement?

If I am not wrong is this the same feeling or different ….which takes us to dip into deepest oceans and win over highest mountains, which makes us measure the distance of galaxies and look for another universe? We struggle to prove over limitlessness. Is this a same conflict when a youth rebel against the society or a saint attains nirvana. We don’t accept any chains and boundaries. Whether its with mundane rules of routine life or death itself. I don’t know. But Will I ever know? It scares me.

Is there anybody else inside me? Where am I? I need me to find myself.

Will I ever be able cover the space between me and you? Its that gap which is the reason of all the flurry.

  

Well, I have chosen to take this up with the hope that I need to try. A humble attempt and a hope.

Still, how?

Sometimes questions are the answers. 

Close up :

"Sa vidya ya vimuktaye."

knowledge is that which liberates.

~Upnishada.

A post on my blog.

As I said earlier that I have got time…Time that I dreamt of, Time that I fancied about once.

Well, giving a makeover to my blog is one of the much-awaited tasks I did. With that, another job I thought of was how I could popularize my blog.

My research said :

I should be listed in the blog directory. (Which I did)

I should write short posts.

I should write frequently. (Which I will try)

DH said :

I should stick to specific content I offer to my readers.

I should have target audience.

(Valuable suggestions.)

Some of the celebrated bloggers on lists said :

Write something silly in howling language.

Have a post on topics, understood by masses. Say something on day to day life - Rahul Gandhi as PM or dowry deaths.

Write about arranged marriage and love marriage in every post or cry over broken heart in public.

Write a few bootless posts on vulgar topics if you run out of above.

Plenty of places to draw inspiration from but originally this place is to reflect, to share, to understand.

To share my ruminations, to determine the links between events around me that at first appeared confusing, to evaluate, to analyze messages; this makes it possible to share thoughtful and relevant opinions giving rise to my own satisfaction of understanding my world.

To share something substantive and perceptive as I keenly discriminate my judgments about  life, universe and everything else which matters at a higher level.

My blog maintains equilibrium between my silence, my words, people and issues around me.

It is my resubmission to life whether I am getting it right.

Close up :

“Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

~Some movie.