Monday, February 25, 2008

Being sensitive is unconstitutional?

Yeah…That’s what she said ‘thts too senti’ … It was kindda disregarded.
I was like ‘what’? No!! …it’s about being sensitive, about being perceptive, being intuitive, and being creative and imaginative, empathic, intense, about being soulful …
I care a damn …You can’t understand, I don’t expect you to feel that.
Its beautiful, its poetic…it’s so very human.
Living every moment to the core, enjoying all the merriment and infliction at the max. It’s like having amplified years on the earth…with a striking tempo.

I accept that being sensitive is not being weak. And being insensitive is not being strong too. It takes lots of wisdom, which again takes courage to fine line the difference between sensitivity and the other real worldly stuff.
It’s a market everywhere. Emotions, Relations, Friends, life, beauty, guts …Everything can be bought and sold and of course subject to availability, better with discount. Everybody has a remote and the regulator. Okey …let me not deviate.

But have you smelled the sunlight? The bright warm sunlight when you are in the backyard of the village house?
At the age of nine, when you were ill, and your Papa hugged you in the bed while telling you the story of the tiger and the little gal?
You know? Afternoon when you returned from the college and you had the intuition that your mommy is going to ask you about food in your own style …”Maa hum bhukha hun”. Can you imagine how ecstatic it is when the brightness over the face and sparkling eyes talks about your happiness without you uttering a word?

My brother loves the way I laugh, it’s loud and I will clap at the end of my noise expression of joy…and crying is not a big deal too. I openly cry (well not in public of course)…my sister tells, I cry like Donald duck one eye and 5 tears splashing out from all the sides.

And the same way around the softness of your voice says that you are hurt or sad. Did you feel the smile on the corner of your lips, when every little thing reminded your recently lost love? It must be really tough for you to image how enjoyable the solitude is and what is the craving for a friend who gets your jokes right …when you are not sensitive.
And its gonna be even harder when I talk about my need to connect to myself, oceans, forests, deserts, books, poems, family, friend, my pets, and my play, old rejected senior citizens, orphans…and of course the lost ones too.

This is called passion… for me life is ‘deep sea diving’ and I reject to float on the surface with the lifesaving equipments…

Monday, February 18, 2008

I wandered lonely as a cloud ...

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in neverending line
Along the margin of a bay.
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they Outdid
the sparkling waves in glee,
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company;

I gazed andgazed but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought.

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

-William Wordsworth, Reading of the week.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Self respect in relationships

"I've spent my entire life trying to be a good, well rounded, successful person and for the most part I think I've done a pretty good job. It has not been easy and I have made sacrifices and fought in so many damn battles to get to where I am that I am not about to let someone take the end product for granted. THAT is the source of my steadfastness. Think about it. You know you are a solid person, that you have a world to offer and are willing to offer it. A world that you have put your blood, sweat and tears to secure. You have laid that world at their feet and invited them to share it. You are not asking that they give up their own, only inviting them to spend time in yours as that special person who gets access to parts of your world NOBODY else gets access to. In the legal world its called "exclusivity" and it's one of the highest priced rights that can be solicited...and for good reason. In the real world of relationships it's much more valuable.

Remember, what you have to offer is a PRIVILEGE that you are in sole control of giving or taking, it is NOT an OPTION that they can exercise on a whim."


Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Today I overheard an aunty asking over the phone "What does reboot do for you?"

May be rebooting is not booting actually...

The Favorite Book

I tried my hands on Alice in Wonderland over this weekend. First time I had read it in Guajarati when I was in 4th standard. The only meaning I had captured when I was young is ‘Wonder’. And it continued…so much so that when I was in 9th I named my diary as ‘Alice in Wonderland’. Still during those days ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’ was unlike anything else but just an entry into wonderland.

Now at this age it remained my favorite book though and what a wonder that it altered it’s meaning to suit my maturity and understanding. Those pictures drawn by John Tenniel were the one of the delirious attraction in young days and now its cryptical text.

Alice grows 10 inches short and 9 ft tall. That bird Dodo, he says at the end of the race everyone wins, and all get the price. A blue Caterpillar, who is sitting arms folded quietly smoking a hookah. Then the mad hatter comes, March hare, and the Cheshire cat keeps grinning from the bush. March hare dips watch into tea, and the queen’s garden has white roses, and those tiger-lily said to Alice we flower can speak provided that someone worth speaking. Queen says keep on running if you want to stand where you are now. Alice meets Tweedledee and Tweedledum further ahead the twin brothers! Queen says her age 101 yrs, 5 months and 1 day and advices her to use the same notions for age when asked. Humpty Dumpty told Alice when I use any word then it means what I want it to mean. King says I wish I had an eye which never sees anything. Queen said ‘kill them before you hang later form the judgment’. King asked mad hatter to take the hat off…and hatter said,’it’s not my hat’.
My research said the word ‘egghead’ has been derived from Humpty Dumpty. It represents intellectuals and it’s an egg shaped, when it broke no one could repair it.
Well…felt intricate and sarcastic this time…but of course amused too.

Close up:
Alice: I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

March Hare: …Then you should say what you mean.
Alice: I do; at least - at least I mean what I say -- that's the same thing, you know.
Hatter: Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say that, 'I see what I eat' is the same as 'I eat what I see'!
March Hare: You might just as well say, that "I like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!
The Dormouse: You might just as well say, that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!

Cheshire cat: I am mad, you are mad …all are mad here.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Last 3 Funny Days ...

I was pretty excited after receiving my Wenger Pegasus Swiss gear computer backpack on Wednesday, and did not take it off my shoulder to feel good. Morning I was preparing for the meeting with the backpack still on my shoulder (well actually I had forgotten to take it off out of tension) in the chair and Paul came to ask me the status…he said ‘what’s this Swati?’ and all the heads turned at me, with loud laughter circulated around I got up to keep the bag aside. Though I kept on looking at it from distance and all for the whole day. I had to capture images for my device management function; I clicked the bag and the more of the bag. After seeing the demo of the code working fine with the scan gun, in the evening Paul said so ‘you loved your backpack’ huh?
:-D.... I narrated the bag and he was starring at me with monkey face.

Thursday evening I got the subway sandwich attack and thought of getting down on the way, at subway…well in US it’s a CMMI 5 process to stop by on the road. And naturally I was dragged back to my stipulated destination. Friend called up and instead of ‘hi’ I said ‘I wanna eat subway veggie delite sandwich with loads of herds and spice’…he was laughing…and said ‘H I’…

Later I waited at front desk to get the pick up/drop by the hotel shuttle to reach nearby subway. This tumbling driver took me to airport and brought me back to hotel instead of my dream destination ‘subway’. He gazed at me with the words ‘would you like to come to Airport again?’ Eeeeahhh…I booked the taxi and that gal at desk asked me ‘the shuttle did not take you?’ I shook my head like monkey indicating ‘NO’.

Then she booked the special round trip taxi costing 20 bucks for me to eat $2’s sandwich. Angel.
I ate one and parceled 3, Should be enough to get rid of this sandwich fever.

Okay part II of the story …Saturday I had a plan to go for skiing. I was all set with enough research on the place, sport and the safety for the lady travelling alone. On the way back to apartment, used ATM to withdraw few $$ to make my trip. ATM was not in mood it declined all my trials and refused to give me any money. I was staring at ATM with monkey face :)

Well, I called taxi, to get the ride thinking that other colleagues can land me little money for tomorrow, and the Mexican driver uncle declined the request with the support of not all that bad weather… Jennifer was still there and she dropped me back in her car.

As I reached apartment none of these guys were seen. I kept on calling their rooms to ask for money and of course with a dream of sliding over the snow in my head. I tried till 9.30 PM but no response. I was all alone with my shattered dream of skiing. Furiously I thought of ordering Chicago style deep dish pizza, with loads of cheese. I was on the call to order and realized I can’t even pay for pizza…
Hmmmm :(.... well I ate 2 Parle G and slept in my office wear with MONKEY FACE :D

Thursday, February 7, 2008

My Father taught few "Imbibe ethical principles" :-)

You are not a cheater, don't be afraid of cheating.

Respect should be commanded not to be demanded.

Knowing the other person is almost impossible. You just can have an opinion (subject to change) based on the experience with that individual, that's it.

While drinking the milk, cat closes her eys and thinks no one is watching her.

Be a fool, If you want to be.You can say I hate it, you can never say it's fake.

Nothing will be solved in a satisfactory manner for all parties.

'Gahna Karmano Gati'. (Deeds are intricate)

Monday, February 4, 2008

Glory that was...

It was a lonesome cold evening...but I was on top of my energy after fixing the issue and running for abouta mile and a half.

Felt like getting back to my placid temperament...Plulled out the old hindi song's CD from 50's.It was, 'yeh shaam ki tanhaiya, aise mai tera ghum...(Aah 1953)'

Mellowness of dulcet sound drew me through on the island, where the snow seems turquoise soon after the sun sets.And again,I was undecomposed for the week coming ahead.

Nothing to beat old songs!!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

First public post last the inspiration worked. May be it always works...and the cultivated gut to open up. Thanks to Harsha Rao.