Monday, November 12, 2012

Unclean mass of randomness: I and you.

There are times when we think we knew…or we don’t. Logic and faith both fails at the same time. Ego and wisdom confuse me together. How to learn to separate them?
The issue I am struggling with is - Is it possible to remove the difference between I and you? This is one of the time where I am thrown into situation which created this stir…so, I should be there where I don’t have this bustle.

Its me. All me.
I told some where ‘to understand and to resolve’ but its not easy…Where do we start from inside or outside? I am my own ally and my own enemy. I run away from myself and come to me again.

Do we all go through this struggle, A drive to reach some place where there is no fuss with self and others. A state of final settlement?
If I am not wrong is this the same feeling or different ….which takes us to dip into deepest oceans and win over highest mountains, which makes us measure the distance of galaxies and look for another universe? We struggle to prove over limitlessness. Is this a same conflict when a youth rebel against the society or a saint attains nirvana. We don’t accept any chains and boundaries. Whether its with mundane rules of routine life or death itself. I don’t know. But Will I ever know? It scares me.

Is there anybody else inside me? Where am I? I need me to find myself.
Will I ever be able cover the space between me and you? Its that gap which is the reason of all the flurry.
Well, I have chosen to take this up with the hope that I need to try. A humble attempt and a hope.

Still, how?
Sometimes questions are the answers. 

Close up :
"Sa vidya ya vimuktaye."
knowledge is that which liberates.

Friday, September 14, 2012

A post on my blog.

As I said earlier that I have got time…Time that I dreamt of, Time that I fancied about once.
Well, giving a makeover to my blog is one of the much-awaited tasks I did. With that, another job I thought of was how I could popularize my blog.

My research said :
I should be listed in the blog directory. (Which I did)
I should write short posts.
I should write frequently. (Which I will try)

DH said :
I should stick to specific content I offer to my readers.
I should have target audience.
(Valuable suggestions.)

Some of the celebrated bloggers on lists said :
Write something silly in howling language.
Have a post on topics, understood by masses. Say something on day to day life - Rahul Gandhi as PM or dowry deaths.
Write about arranged marriage and love marriage in every post or cry over broken heart in public.
Write a few bootless posts on vulgar topics if you run out of above.

Plenty of places to draw inspiration from but originally this place is to reflect, to share, to understand.
To share my ruminations, to determine the links between events around me that at first appeared confusing, to evaluate, to analyze messages; this makes it possible to share thoughtful and relevant opinions giving rise to my own satisfaction of understanding my world.
To share something substantive and perceptive as I keenly discriminate my judgments about  life, universe and everything else which matters at a higher level.
My blog maintains equilibrium between my silence, my words, people and issues around me.
It is my resubmission to life whether I am getting it right.

Close up :
“Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”
~Some movie.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Not about MIL (for a change).

Me – “I remember this entry to the temple, when we were young. Crowd was much less. No queue and security of course.”
Father – “yes. The reason for this mad rush is population, people’s capability to travel and spend, or is it increased turbulent in human life which brings unnumberable people at the doorstep of divine?”

Me – “what is the first stanza of this … shloka ?”
Father – “… (After he completed) Look at us; we still use all the shlokas and stotras formed thousands of years ago. We have not come up anything new in many centuries. Are we called learned people?”

Father – "(looking at temple wall painting) In history Brahmin has mostly been portrayed as opponent which is true to some extent and not very pleasant.”

Me - "See those gorgeous pines, they are magnificent ! "
Father -"They are indeed...(Long gaze) How many years it would have taken this tree to grow this high and people would cut it in few minutes. "

Close up :
"There is no cry of pain without,
at its end,
an echo of joy."

~Spanish realist poet and philosopher, Ramon de Campoamor" 

P.S. - MIL is mother in law.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Reading of the week.

“….If I'm not back in time, you'd better get someone to help you with the digging,' he says. He reads me some of the poems he has written that I have not heard - the last one of all called Out in the Dark. And I venture to question one line,and he says, 'Oh, no, it's right, Helen, I'm sure it's right.' And I nod because I can't speak, and I try to smile at his assurance.
I sit and stare stupidly at his luggage by the wall, and his roll of bedding, kit-bag, and suitcase. He takes out his prismatic compass and explains it to me, but I cannot see, and when a tear drops onto it, he just shuts it up and puts it away. Then he says, as he takes book out of his pocket, 'You see, your Shakespeare's Sonnets is already where it will always be. Shall I read you some?' He reads one or two to me. His face is grey and his mouth trembles, but his voice is quiet and steady. And soon I slip to the floor and sit between his knees,and while he reads his hand falls over my shoulder and I hold it with mine. . . . . .
I've always been able to warm you, haven't I?'' Yes, your lovely body never feels as cold as mine does. How is it that I am so cold when my heart is so full of passion?' 'You must have Bronwen to sleep with you while I am away. But you must not make my heart cold with sadness, but keep it warm, for no one else but you has ever found my heart, and for you it was a poor thing after all. . . . .
So we lay, all night, sometimes talking of our love and all that had been, and of the children, and what had been a miss and what right.We knew the best was that there had never been untruth between us.We knew all of each other, and it was right. So talking and crying and loving in each other's arms we fell asleep as the cold reflected light of the snow crept through the frost-covered windows.
A thick mist hung everywhere, and there was not sound except,far away in the valley, a train shunting. I stood at the gate watching him go; he turned back to wave until the mist and the hill hid him. I heard his old call coming up to me: 'Coo-ee!' he called. 'Coo-ee!' I answered, keeping my voice strong to call again. Again through the muffled air came his 'Coo-ee.' And again went my answer like an echo.'Coo-ee' came fainter next time with the hill between us, but my 'Coo-ee' went out of my lungs strong to pierce to him as he strode away from me. 'Coo-ee!' So faint now it might only be my own call flung back from the thick air and muffling snow. I put my hands up to my mouth to make a trumpet, but no sound came. Panic seized me,and I ran through the mist and the snow to the top of the hill, and stood there a moment dumbly, with straining eyes and ears. There was nothing but the mist and the snow and the silence of death.Then with leaden feet which stumbled in a sudden darkness that overwhelmed me I groped my way back to the empty house.”

Before leaving for war as narrated by wife  Helen Thomas.
World Without End (1931)
Edward Thomas was killed by a shell in the battle of Arras on Easter. World war 1,1917.

Close up:
"Development can never be in isolation."
~ Bhagwad Gita

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Little here and there.

I am at home for some time now, with all twenty two hours to myself alone.
May be when I was spending ten hours at work this is what I had wished for. It is cool indeed for sometime as everyone says. But now after nine years again I am asking myself –
Why am I at home at 3 PM ? Why have I not dressed up to step out ? Why am I feeling out of network ? etc etc.
Well I am also busy doing some other things than questioning –
Waiting to go abroad, Cooking and feeding good food (in those two hours), Listening to music, exploring new locality, Reading, sleeping, working out, watching classics and documentaries, Breathing and repeating whole cycle next day. (I still wish I had camera to add picture taking :-) )

Most importantly what am I learning from this different phase of time and life I am going through now ?

I think here it is:
    The only way to happy/peaceful family is to forgive and forget little dissing affairs of routine life. Only important things are important.
    Being an adult is learning to live in doubt: Developing one’s own philosophy through experience and to avoid ready made thinking.
    Say NO for everything I don’t want. Say YES for everything I want. Say neither YES nor NO depending on whom you are talking to or what you are talking about. Assert, don’t argue.
    Two sets of Suryanamaskar at home  are as good as 15 mins of cardio. In case you can't go out jogging and want to save your knees.

      Close up:
      “I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail.I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.”
      ~Lady Gaga.